A Spas in Arkansas

I was visiting the tallest point in Arkansas—Mount Magazine at a whopping 2,753 feet. While on the summit I met an Arkansanian family to whom I complained about the lame view. They said that by far the best look out point in these parts was the one in back of their “lodge.” I was intrigued by this so-called lodge, and after further discussion found out that it was a mere stroll away. So I made said stroll and found a massive extravagant building extending as long as a New York City avenue block, set just in front of cliffs that looked out over the surrounding Arkansanian lakes, hills, and farmlands.

The whole scene reminded me of the Overlook hotel from Stephen King’s/Stanley Kubrick’s, “The Shining,” minus the scary little girls and a crazed Jack Nicholson. Finding the setting behind “the lodge” (actual name of the hotel) to be tranquil, I sat down on some rocks and whipped out a pen and paper. After bearing my soul in blue ink I was ready to head back up the trail and return to my car. Figuring it would be quicker, I walked through the hotel rather than going around the massive structure. Upon my entering I found a gorgeous lobby with a very soft sofa that was too enticing to pass up. I whipped out a book, melted into the fabric, and fell into dreams. It was a wonderful little nap that found me waking to a renewed energy. If only I wasn’t so damn hungry, I thought, I could spend more time here. As I departed for the hike back to the van for an emergency peanut butter sandwich I had a revelation—this was a huge, massive hotel, with many rooms, and therefore numerous human guests who require sustenance. In addition it is set in a remote location with no local businesses around. They must have food here. Perhaps I would not be able to afford their all glass restaurant that overlooked the surrounding landscape but they had to have snacks. I approached the front desk and asked how I could go about finding some munchies. But they were on to me. It may have been the drooling in the sleep in their lobby, the backpack I carried with me, or the nalgene I held, that made me appear suspect and prompted the concierge lady to ask “Sir, are you a guest at this hotel?” I figured I had to say no because it seemed quite obvious, given the circumstances. that I was an outsider and I would no doubt receive a follow up question about my name and room number. However, in that moment, I was reminded of the staunch lesson my Dad had instilled in all of us Ehrlich brothers whenever a really nice hotel beyond economic means presents itself—lose all sense of shame and locate and utilize all offered conveniences. Remembering this code I dug not-so deep into my core and found my shameless strength and said "yes of course I am." I braced for a retort, but that was it. She smiled and pointed me in the direction of the vending machines. She actually trusted me. What a moron.

With chex mix in hand I cased the joint by following the signs to the swimming pool. En route I noticed a board with a password to access the free wifi, a second lobby with a breathtaking view, comfy chairs, and a fire place, and a game room that contained my favorite arcade game “Off-Road.” As if this wasn’t enough, I came upon a massive pool, an adequately hot hot-tub (yes I of course checked the water temperature which was 101, not perfect but decent), a locker room with showers, and a work out room. Sold.

I took note of the road The Lodge was on and hiked back to the summit, and back down the other side of the mountain to retrieve my vehicle. I changed into my bathing suit in the car, entered the hotel, walked to the pool, and went for a wonderful dip in a room that boasted glass windows that overlooked all of Arkansas. I was so inspired that I even strapped on my goggles and had myself a 20 minute lap swim before seeking a soak in the hot-tub. While pruning I met many friendly individuals who told me of their love for reality TV shows like Wife Swap and were fascinated to hear that I had actually worked on MTV’s “Sex with Mom & Dad.” I spent the rest of the time talking to a teenager who reminisced about this past Halloween when he entered a Wallmart and ate 100 warheads (a type of hard candy) in one day and at his next dentist appointment emerged with 6 cavities, and this past New Years' day when he jumped on the back of his dad’s truck while it was moving and broke his collar bone. He seemed in need of guidance so I gave him some elderly words of wisdom “kid, listen, anytime you’re in the midst of a physician for something pain related, make sure you ask for diloditt, that shit will change your life.”

After an extended shower, I exchanged bills for quarters, gamed, and then returned to the lot so I could drive down to a lake a half hour away to find a nice place to retire. As soon as I plopped into the driver’s seat I quickly realized that leaving this heavenly oasis for the cold, dark, rainy lake when I had a hotel with awesome furniture and free wifi at my finger tips was borderline psychosis. I was not going anywhere. I spent the night wandering the vast universe of the web, reading by the fire, and relishing in God’s construction of a world with hotel amenities. When sleepiness struck, I succumbed to it in my room in the parking lot.

I awoke early the next morning so that I could conduct my “Y” routeen. I hit the gym for a half hour of cross country ski walking (the elliptical) and mock stair climbing, jumped in the pool for another session of laps, hopped in the shower for a scorching one, entered the lobby bathroom for a teeth brushing and a #2, and departed refreshed, renewed, and ready for the two hour drive to Hot Springs National Park.