Apologies to Fabio

There was this
Girl who was a friend of my older brother's
And she stopped eating
So they put her in the hospital
my parents said she was very sick
"anecksia," I thought they said

she came over once
and despite the sign on my door that read
"keep out"
I found her in my room
Playing with my friend that I named sticky
Because his feet had a wet glue
that stuck to my hands
And now
he wouldn't eat a single worm
or a cricket
and those were his favorite foods
clearly that bitch was contagious.

And then
it happened
I awoke one morning
to find him
Shriveled up in the corner of his glass cage
Amongst an intricate landscape design
Of little rocks, pine cones, chestnuts, and ripped grass.

He was
Lying on his back
With his four little feet
Now dried and shriveled up
Stretched out into the air
As if he was waiting for God to pick him up

He was
The cutest green lizard
Now
He was dead
Another casualty of this harsh world

I cried for days on end
That was it,
He was gone,

but then
my parents told me all about reincarnation
And as it turned out
they were right

He came back to life in two and a half days as my turtle
who I named Fabio after the Italian Model
because I was allergic to milk
and was deeply inspired by margarine that tasted like butter
that even came as a spray

I fell in love with him real quick
Because he was fun to play with
I'd take him out of his tank and
He would sprint frantically all over the house
Driving my dog Nikki crazy

He was the fastest turtle I'd ever saw
he knew there were worlds out there
Beyond his cage that needed to be explored
His speed, agility, and curiosity were tough to temper
And so my family made a rule
That he never be allowed to leave the tank

In celebration of Fabio's one month birthday
My parents took us on a family trip
To some place with games, clowns and Ferris wheels
Leaving our housecleaner Gloria to care for our home

She was stupid though and broke the rules
While washing the previous day's salad bowls and meat platters
Gloria took it upon herself to add the dirty tank to her pile of dishes
and put the little guy in a Tupper ware next to the sink
without a top

Unlike Sticky, Fabio had an unquenchable hunger
He could not just sit and watch his favorite green vegetables
Disappear into a black whole
And so unbeknownst to Gloria
he heroically followed the delicious delicacies
jumping into the sink
and down the drain
to rescue them
And in that instant
Gloria flicked the switch and he was disposed

It was a shameful death
His last breath was taken
In a confined space with rotten milk,
discarded tuna fish, and
chicken fat
Even executed prisoners are treated to a better last meal
And a more pleasant conclusion

Recently I began reading Carl Jung
Who said that we are all part of an eternal collective unconscious
And I became excited because now I can finally apologize

First to you, Sticky
Can you hear me?
I'm sorry
For letting that stupid girl
That couldn't read
give you anorexia
And to you
Fabio
If you're listening
I want to apologize
for naming you after that talentedless
asshole Italian Model

And for putting you in the care of a person who couldn't even
Keep my matching socks straight,
stole from my piggy bank and
always managed to lose my favorite t-shirts.